Wo Wo Hot Pants

Prairie Fires and Faerie Pyres, Part 13

“Mr. Disco Pants, he tried really hard,” Duke said and pantomimed moronical dancing. “Hysterical shit.”

Our laughs were tentative.

“It wasn’t that bad,” C said. We kept watching Duke. “You’re embarrassing me.”

Buddy abruptly laughed at that comment and said, “You embarrass yourself. That’s fine.” He stood, raised his half-empty pint and said, “Here’s to dating, all fucked up and crazy.”

I raised my glass. Dee, C and Duke made vague gestures of acknowledgement.

“C, you know,” Duke said. “She was probably just having fun and it’s nothing serious.” Duke raised his glass to Buddy and drank. Duke continued, “I was there on a date, too.”

Buddy banged his empty glass on the table. “What was his name, again?” Buddy asked.

“Ashley. I met her at happy hour,” Duke explained. “I was out with friends from the office. She’s about five foot ten with legs up to her neck.”

“I don’t care about her,” Buddy said.

Duke said, “She looked something like Tawney Kitten.”

“Walter,” C said.

“Yes. Walter. Walter Hot Pants,” Buddy said. “That doesn’t sound right.”

“No,” I said.

“Not Walter, Wo Wo. Wo Wo Hot Pants?”

“Buddy…” C said.

“Wo. Wo…” I said.

Buddy said, “I’m getting more shots.”

“Wo Wo is a good name,” I said. “Is he your new imaginary friend?”

“Ha. Ha,” C deadpanned.

“Wo. Wo,” I replied.

“Ha. Ha,” she said again.

Duke agreed and said, “Wo Wo Hot Pants.” Buddy and I laughed knowing the name would now stick.

“Wo Wo More Shots,” Buddy said. He stood and walked over to Stanley.

“I don’t want more shots,” Dee said.

“You’re succeeding in getting me drunk,” I said. “Wasn’t that your plan?”

“I don’t want to pass out before I take advantage of you.” She was well on her way. I could tell because she gave me a goofy leer.

“What’s up with Buddy?” she asked.

“He’s buying this round,” I explained. “He’s doing better.”

C leaned between me and Dee. “You call that better?”

“You have a new boyfriend,” I added. “What do you expect?”

“What has that got to do with anything,” she said. “And anyway, he’s just a friend.”

… continued

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Prairie Fires and Faerie Pyres

Part 13: Wo Wo Hot Pants

Part 12: Tawny Kitten

Part 11: Living With Your Ghost

Part 10: Kernel Panic

Part 9: Pais Lee

Part 8: Burning House

Part 7: Merkin’s Face

Part 6: Merkin’s Beard

Part 5: Conversation Of Biblical Proportion
Part 4: Hockey Fight
Part 3: Your Blog’s Not A Waste Of Time
Part 2: Put Your Head Somewhere Else
Part 1: Showier Prose