We Had Our Tires Changed

Brienne, Part 4

Scott said, “Bruce Springsteen once said that you haven’t lived until you’ve had your tires changed by a red-head. I think we just had our tires changed.”

C asked, “So you want your tires changed? Is that what your saying? So you’re going to meet psycho chick at the bar? Get you tires changed?”

“If she shows, and I don’t think she will, it’d be interesting to hear what she had to say. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah. I’m so curious,” C said. “Maybe I could come with you.”

Scott asked, “Did you see the movie Jerry Maguire?”

“No.”

“At first, Tom Cruise is a very successful sports agent. He is engaged to this red head, and she’s this sex fiend. She’s every adolescent boy’s fantasy.”

Speak for yourself, Scott.

He continued, “One night, after they finalized plans for their wedding, and while they’re screwing like rabbits, she says, ‘I’d sleep with another woman if you want. I’m not into that kind of thing. But if you wanted…’”

C said, “That is boy fantasy.”

“Yeah, and a scene or two later,” Scott said, “Tom gets fired from his high profile job and the fiance goes nuclear. Duke’s psycho friend reminds me of that woman.”

C asked, “Then you would like me to come to the bar with you?”

Scott answered, “Well, I’m not into that kind of thing. But if you wanted…”

“What if I promise to do whatever it is that she says she’d do? Could I come then?”

“I don’t know. Could you?” Scott drank his beer trying to hide his smirk. He had used one of my lines.

“I could,” C answered. “I can.” We all took a moment to drink, except C who just smiled.

Scott then said, “I’m just a married guy thinking out loud too much. I’ll probably just keep drinking.”

“She must be a real bitch,” C said.

“Duke does seem to date some interesting women.”

“I was talking about your wife.”

“My wife rages at me like that red head just did.” Scott finished drinking his beer. “Rant after rave, all so screwed up. And she never even suggests sex, certainly never like Duke’s friend did. Wow.”

“So I’m going to the bar with you,” C said. “And I’ll know what to say after we hear from the redhead.”

“Ignore her,” Buddy said to Scott. “She’s flirty now. She’ll turn into a bitch.”

“You’re a God-damn dick,” C said. “What the hell? Were you listening in on us?”

“See Scott?” Buddy said. “A bitch.”

“That crazy red-head didn’t know the half about how you’re stupid and mean.” C finished her drink, looked at her empty glass then put it down with some force. “You either cry or you abuse your friends. And you know, it weren’t for Tom, you’d have no friends.”

“You’re just as whacked as that red head,” Buddy said. “No one but me even knows that. Why don’t you tell everyone you want to sleep with Scott?”

“She doesn’t need to,” I said. “You just did.”

“Why are you sticking your fat ass in this conversation?” Buddy asked.

“Yelling isn’t conversation,” I said. “Can we cool it?”

“Fuck off ‘Dad.’ Go buy me a drink.”

“You go buy drinks. If you want to get loaded, use your own God-damn money.”

“Yes ‘Dad.’ Thanks ‘Dad.’ Can I have my allowance now? Your brother isn’t such a pain in the ass. Hey Scott, let’s get a drink at the bar and leave these fuckers.”

Scott said, “Everybody funny. Now you funny, too.”

“What?” Buddy asked.

“You funny.”

“No, you funny.”

Scott said, “You funny, too. It’s a line from a George Thorogood song.”

“One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer,” I said. “Scott taught me that line, too.”

“Sounds like what we need.” Buddy said. “A prescription.”

C asked Buddy, “Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?”

“Fuck you.”

“Come on Buddy,” C said. “How about you and I go get the drinks?”

… continued

——

Brienne

Part 4: We Had Our Tires Changed
Part 3: Agent Scully, Bitchy
Part 2: Agent Scully, Dribbling Stout
Part 1: Agent Scully, Provocateur