There’s Something About Mary

Slacking @ Yak’s, Part 4

Duke announced, “I have a friend who’s going to join us soon.”

“The redhead?” I asked.

“The redhead?” Duke said.

“Stanley told me.”

Duke said, “Don’t worry about her. I was thinking about somebody else.”

“What’s her name?” C asked.

“Same as yours,” Duke said. He remained standing, for effect.

“If you call me Cary, I’ll kill you.”

That was C’s old line. She hates being called Cary. I was the first one to try that nickname. She hit me hard.

“No no. Your. Other. Name.” He said with smile, and a pop of the eyebrows.

“Don’t call her Bee,” I said, “Leave that alone, Duke.” I was dead serious.

“Everybody’s threatening me. So hostile. How ‘bout we all call her Mary.” Duke finally pulled out his chair and sat.

Dee banged her beer glass down. I was glad I wouldn’t have to clean that up. She said, “This nickname thing is fucking out of control. I can’t believe that I let you people call me Dee. Now everyone calls me Dee. At work, shit, even my mother and father call me Dee. And why? Because I was the fourth Mary Tom dated.”

Dated is not the correct verb.

“This is fucking retarded!” Dee huffed.

I remembered the first Mary that Duke slept with. I had already slept with her first.

“The nicknames,” Duke said, trying to be nice, “could have been based on cup size.”

“I blew that one.” Dee smiled.

Dee would have hurt me if I had made Duke’s remark.

C chuckled. “You sure did.”

“I wish I hadn’t.”

“Me too,” I said with confidence I didn’t have.

We all laughed.

Our first Mary continued to hang out with me and Duke and other friends from college. Then, I started dating a second girl named Mary, who ended up with the nickname ‘Bee.’ Back then, my nights were filled with eating and drinking and Bee Mary.

So to avoid confusion, I used nicknames. Duke always liked these nicknames, and at times, pined for his own Bee Mary to keep up with me in this strange, unnamed contest.

My first Mary got hers when she asked me why I didn’t spent any time with her any more. My clever reply, “Oh. You’re just Another Mary.”

…continued

——

Slacking @ Yak’s

Part 4: There’s Something About Mary
Part 3: Two Women And A Pitchfork
Part 2: Assignments?
Part 1: Yakking The Porno Mustache