Shitting Peach Pits

Prairie Fires and Faerie Pyres, Part 14

Buddy returned with a tray of Burning Houses. “C, what do you see in this creep?”

“He’s a little goofy,” she said. “The sex is great. Last night he had me shaking like a dog shitting peach pits. I was delirious.”

“When are you going to see him next?” I asked.

“Take it easy on him, Tom,” C said. “Would you be your normal calm self around Walter. We’re just having fun, OK?”

“Fucking Walter,” Buddy said. “Ha!”

“You two assholes,” Dee said. “Stop with the names. Be nice.”

“Hey C,” Buddy continued. “Next time you’re shitting peach pits, I want you to say ‘wo wo’ out loud, you know? Like a breathy dog bark, you know, ‘wo’ ‘wo’ ‘wo’! I know you can.”

“I know you have,” I said. C stared. I went, “wwwwooooooooo”.

“Wwwwooooooo,” went Buddy, deep voice. Duke smiled.

To keep Dee laughing, Duke repeated, “Wo Wo Hot Pants.”

“Hot pants.” I said. “They give me fever.” I was quoting James Brown.

Buddy said, “I bet Wo Wo looks great in Daisy Duke’s too.”

Dee squeezed my knee again.

“You’re turning me on now, Buddy.”

“Fuck you two,” C said.

“C, bring the peach pit next time,” Buddy said. “Would you?”

“Ha.” She picked up her drink. “Ha.” She didn’t drink, but stared.

“Wo Wo,” Duke said, imitating Buddy. The nickname was agreed.

“I’m going to have Stanley create something new,” Buddy offered. “I’m going to call it a Peach Pit.”

Dee said, “No more shots.”

Buddy asked, “Who wants more?”

“It’s time to take it easy,” I said.

“Fine. I’m going to go work with Stanley on this,” Buddy said and stood. “You’re all cowards.” He walked off to the bar.

“Calm him down,” Dee whispered.

“I’m trying,” I muttered.

“Mary, Mary quite contrary,” I said and touched her shoulder. If I pushed she would wobble. “How does your garden grow?”

“How does it grow?” she asked breathing into my ear.

“With Prairie Fires, lusty desires, a naked body for show.”

She squeezed. And it wasn’t my knee.

——

Prairie Fires and Faerie Pyres

Part 14: Shitting Peach Pits

Part 13: Wo Wo Hot Pants

Part 12: Tawny Kitten

Part 11: Living With Your Ghost

Part 10: Kernel Panic

Part 9: Pais Lee

Part 8: Burning House

Part 7: Merkin’s Face

Part 6: Merkin’s Beard

Part 5: Conversation Of Biblical Proportion
Part 4: Hockey Fight
Part 3: Your Blog’s Not A Waste Of Time
Part 2: Put Your Head Somewhere Else
Part 1: Showier Prose