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Bono Says, “Rock On Dr. Marty” - Part 1

Dee and I sat down. Dr. Marty started without any pleasantries. Not even a kiss. “So Tom, your character who you called ‘Asshole’,” with air-quotation emphasis, “who is he? Did you figure out a more respectful name? One to know him by rather than express anger with?”

Pause.

“ ‘Asshole’,” he said, using air-quotes again, then leaned back in his Aeron chair. It squeaked. “I know it can be used in fun and all. But you know, it doesn’t work for what I’m trying to do, for how I’m trying to coach. So what do you think, what about this guy, what are some good things about him?”

Pause.

“What I want you to do is simply learn to talk with him respectfully. Is he clever?” He put one foot up on his coffee table.

Pause.

“You already talk with him so much. You’ve noticed that, right?” He nodded his head a little, answering his own question.

Pause.

“By giving this character a name,” he elaborated, “you change it so that you aren’t talking with yourself.”

Pause.

I enjoyed the control of a simple pause. He would wait a little, sense awkwardness, then rush forward.

“When you talk to yourself, it’s easy to be cruel. That is why you use the name ‘Asshole’.”

More air quotes.

“But once you think of this talk as talk between two people, it’s much easier to talk respectfully.”

Not to Asshole.

“But Tom, I need you to actually be engaged here. That starts with simply figuring out this first step. A name would be good. Do you have any thoughts? Maybe Dee and I could make suggestions.”

Dee jumped in. “Come on, Tom! You’re being dickless!”

“Like your boss?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Dickless.”

I looked at Dee. I couldn’t pause her.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’m groping for a name. Nothing’s come to me. But I will stop calling him Asshole.” I was tempted to mimic Dr. Marty’s air-quotes. “I want a clever name. That’s all. Give me until next week. If I don’t have anything better, I’ll call him Bogart or something. Imagine me trying to name a kid.”

“‘Bogart’,” Dr. Marty said with air quotes, “that’s a good name. What do you like about that name?”

“Bogart hogs the great lines. Also, I’ve always wanted a dog named Bogart.”

… continued