My Car, Her Breasts

Cosmetic Addictions, New Breasts - Part 6

Dee said, “Honey, you need a new car.”

“No, I don’t,” I said.

“It’s time to get things done.”

“No,” I repeated. “It’s not.”

“You drive a 2000 Infiniti G20.”

“It’s a nice car.”

“Nice,” Dee said and then stared at me. I stared at the blank surface of Dr. Marty’s coffee table. “That’s like calling me cute. It’s a car an old lady would drive.”

“No it’s not.” She had called me an old lady.

“You’ve had to spend more than $1,000 fixing it in the past year.”

“It had a rattle. It’s fixed.”

“A thousand dollar rattle.”

“And that wasn’t even what cost the money. It’s fine now,” I said. “It’s functional. It’s my millenium car.”

“Yes, your millenium car.” She then turned to Dr. Marty who smiled. He looked like he was enjoying our disagreement.

“Tom,” she continued. “The car aged badly. It looks old.”

“I don’t think so.”

“It looks no better than a Honda Civic.”

“It only has 50,000 miles,” I said. “I think it’s good for another 50,000.”

Dr. Marty interrupted, “That’s not much.”

“I don’t drive much.”

“He drives like an old lady,” Dee said.

“No. I don’t.” She called me an old lady again.

“You don’t even like driving it,” she said. “You complain about the transmission, the horsepower, even the handling.”

“It’s fine.”

“You’ve procrastinated for three years, especially once you bought that desk.”

“I write for a living,” I said. “I don’t drive for a living.”

“The transmission sound like crap,” she continued. “Are you sure you really know how to drive a stick?”

“You’ve made your point,” I said.

Dr. Marty said, “A car’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a fine project too.”

“I’m not ashamed,” I said. “It’s in great shape.”

Dee said, “He’s meticulous.”

Dr. Marty asked, “About the car?”

“About all things.”

“It’s in good shape.”

“The car’s color was like this couch,” Dee said. “Now it’s like my new coat.”

Dr. Marty said, “It’s faded?”

“It’s not faded.”

“Yes. It looks like my coat,” Dee said.

“I don’t drive a periwinkle car.”

“You do.”

“It’s fine.”

“One thing about shame,” Dr. Marty said, “is that the more shame someone consistently feels, the more unhappy they are. Studies show this. It’s like the opposite of laughing. Chronic shame causes depression.”

“My car’s fine.”

Dr. Marty asked, “Have I told you my magazine store theory?”

“Not yet,” Dee said. “What’s that about?”

“Next time we get together I’ll tell you.” Dee was disappointed. I wasn’t.

He continued, “There’s a new magazine out, and it’s going to be wildly successful. It’s called New Beauty.”

“As opposed to old beauty?” I asked.

“It’s about elective surgery and other beauty enhancement technics. Studies have shown that women who undergo breast surgery are permanently happier. Do you know why?”

Dee said, “Shame?”

“Exactly. They feel less shame about their bodies,” Dr. Marty said. “The changes to the body and to the psyche, both are permanent. So this magazine is going to be very successful because at it’s core, it promotes happiness in a durable form. Studies prove this.”

Dee said, “Maybe I should get a boob job?”

… continued

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Cosmetic Addictions, New Breasts

Part 6: My Car, Her Breasts
Part 5: Next Action?
Part 4: Dee On The Desk
Part 3: Clacking
Part 2: Smell The Writing
Part 1: Detail, Time Square